I've never been good at Tithing. I try to give an offering, but I've never given a tenth of what I earn. Mostly because I don't earn that much, being a librarian at a rather small university. I know it's just an excuse. I'm just not dedicated. And I'm a little afraid, what with the massive debt and wanting to buy groceries and all.
But He has been bludgeoning me on this topic for a couple of years. And it occurs to me that I should have a greater fear of not obeying Him than of not being able to pay my debts. And He has promised to take care of me. Which is where the lack of trust thing comes into play. It's a dangerous cycle.
Yesterday, when I was paying my bills, I wrote a check to my church for one tenth of my paycheck. It was a bit terrifying, but also made me excited. I'm excited about giving my money to the church, to God. He gave it to me, I'm just giving back to Him. It's overwhelming. Even now I can't keep the smile off my face and my eyes are filling with tears. This is a huge step for me, and I can feel how proud He is of this step. I'm actually less worried about my financial future than I ever have been before. And it is because I am placing all of my monetary worries on Him.
I'm still not comfortable with the idea of 'testing' Him. But I can't wait to see what happens next.
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