Reading II Corinthians this morning I was moved to tears.
It's no secret I'm struggling with faith. It's gotten a bit worse over the past few weeks. It hasn't been the overarching faith, my belief was still strong. But this morning, before my reading, I questioned Him and myself and our relationship.
And then I read II Corinthians 13.
"Put yourselves to the test to see if you are in the faith; examine yourselves! Or do you not recognize regarding yourselves that Jesus Christ is in you -- unless, indeed, you fail the test!" II Corinthians 13:5 (NET)
I've read a lot of scripture lately about testing faith, testing God, standing the test. And my Nana liked the story of Gideon and encouraged us to lay out the fleece and see what happens. I did that today. But I still feel a bit lost.
I want a house. I need to get out of the apartment I'm in and move somewhere I feel safe. And I know that living in a house will probably not make me feel much safer, but it's a move I've wanted to make for years. I applied for pre-approval for a mortgage today. I hope to hear back from them tomorrow. But I'm not sure if I'm going about this backwards. I need some advice from people who have bought a house recently and I will be asking friends about the proper steps I should take as soon as I see them again. But I'm convinced I should have a soft yes from a bank before I put a Realtor to work for me. I just don't know.
The fleece has been laid out. I'll see what happens tomorrow.
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