"Yes" in Christ

Sometimes God actually does smack me upside the head.

It's no secret that I want a house, although I'm not entirely sure I'm ready fiscally or physically.  But I can't stand to live in this apartment another year.   Now seems the time to buy a house.  All I need is faith.  I know God wants better things for me.  I know He wants me to feel safe in my home.  I just need faith to know that He is working for the good for me.  Patience is always an issue.  And it's no secret that faith is an issue.  Not to mention finances, which I continue to struggle with despite my best efforts.

But this morning I was reading II Corinthians and God really did smack me upside the head.  I'm a stubborn, stupid girl and I need Him to hammer it home before I truly believe.  II Corinthians was the hammer this morning.  "For no matter how many promises God has made, they are 'yes' in Christ."  (II Corinthians 1:20)  All of my worries, all of my doubts are yes in Christ.  That is all I have to know.

I need a caretaker

I saw Skyfall today.  I got a free ticket.  When I bought Quantum of Solace.  So it almost evens out.  Skyfall was a typical James Bond film.  And then it got good!  And then it was a typical James Bond movie.  And then it got good again.  No spoilers!  You're welcome.  But if you can, go see it.  It was good.

I had a lovely lunch with library friends today.  It's nice to visit work friends outside of work.  But that was the high point of my day.  The movie was good, but the shopping spree between lunch and the movie wasn't so good.

I went to Joann's and got an Ott Light.  It was half off.  I can almost justify it.  My depression gets a bit less depressing when I have good light.  I have no ceiling light in my living room and the lamps I have are not very bright, no matter what wattage bulb I put in it.  The Ott light mimics daylight.  It's already quite helpful and it will be even more helpful when I start on my cross stitching.  The shoes I got are a bit harder to justify.  I do need walking shoes that don't give me blisters.  But I didn't really need shoes now.  Nor did I need the second pair of shoes.  I just....

It's crazy what I put myself through.  I'm not stupid, all evidence to the contrary.  I can pay it off.  But I shouldn't be putting myself deeper in debt.  I know better.  I need to stop being stupid.

Anyone want to help me out with that?

Go me!

I went to the mall yesterday, inadvertently.  All I wanted to get was stamps, but my regular post office had a line going out the door and I didn't feel like standing in line forever.  It was cold yesterday.  So I went to Joann's and the mall is just across the street.  And they have a post office!  But they didn't open until ten.  Every other post office in the nation opens at nine.  Why didn't the mall post office.  But I managed to walk out with only the thing I went in there for.  And it wasn't easy.  But every time I stopped to look at something a voice kept asking me if I really needed that.  It was quite a relief to realize that I didn't.  And I walked away.  As said, not easy.  There were some really cute shoes on sale.  But I did it.  And I even got my walking in.  It was cold.  Walking inside the mall, despite the temptation to shop, was much better than walking in the cold drizzle.  And I only got what was on my list.  I really needed that voice.  I pray it never goes away.

The problem with faith

I'm a believer.  I was raised Christian, had a brief falling out, but have been blessed to return to the beliefs that lead me through childhood.  But childhood was not easy.  It wasn't horrific, but it was difficult.  I've never felt I could rely on anyone but myself.  I learned at a very young age how to be self-sufficient.  So leaning on God has not been easy.

There's a reason it's called a 'Leap of Faith'.  I felt like I was leaping off a cliff when I cut up my credit cards.  I've depended on them to buy gas and groceries.  Cutting them up was a command from God, one I had resisted to follow for a long time.  But doing it made me feel a sense of peace I hadn't felt in a long time.

I feel like I'm taking another leap now.  I have given an offering most of my adult life, but never a true tithe.  But Malachi 3:10 has been on my mind for months.  My paycheck is very small and my bills are very great.  But I am resolved to test God on this, just as He says.  I'm just a bit terrified, but I'm leaping off this cliff.